Sawbones
by Doctah Sawbones
Summary: When you fall, there is almost always someone to help you back up. But they might not help you in the way you expect.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again! You might be wondering where the next part of "Lost" is, well... I haven't been working on it. Since I don't know how to continue the story, I ask you readers to go to the story, read it, and tell me what you think happens next! Anywaaaaay... I have had a major idea in the works for a full-out Freak story, and what better way to write a Freak Fortress story than by introducing a possibly dangerous new freak? This storyline runs along with IDA's Project FREAK, but never collides with it. Yet. I have talked with IDA and they are fine with me writing this story. Shoutout to IDA for being really helpful!**

I was walking home one day, carrying groceries and some electrical parts for one of my projects, when my wife called me and told me they had a special exhibit at the museum today, a biology exhibit. Me, not being able to resist science, dropped off the groceries and went to the museum to see what was happening. After I arrived at the museum, I saw a sign pointing to "BIOLOGY EXHIBIT" in bold blue letters. I walked slowly to the exhibit, looking at all the marvels our museum had, and ancient helmet from Rome, a spear from some unknown place across the seas... So many things to look at. When I finally arrived at the exhibit, I saw a man in a slightly blue tinged labcoat, wearing strikingly blue gloves. He saw me and waved me over, and for some reason, my stomach decided to bottom out, leaving me suspicious of what this man might do. Anyways, I walked over to him, and he looked up at me, with a rather... Maniacal smile.

"Do you vant to help me with zhis project for ze museum?" I only assumed he was German, as he couldn't seem to pronounce his 'th's or 'w's. "Depends, what are you planning on doing?" I hesitantly reply. "Vell... I figured out a vay to make living creatures survive fires and electrical shocks, not like sparks, but red hot infernos and lightning strikes." He replies, rubbing the back of his head. "If you soak ze subject in vater and Carbonoleum, an element I discovered recently, electricity doesn't seem to affect zhem, and zhey can't be lit on fire, for approximately until zhey take a shower." I stroke my beard, thinking. "Prove it, then I might help." He glances at me, and picks up a bottle and squints at it, trying to read the chicken scratch German on the label. He then grabbed a dropper and put a small amount in some water, and carefully stirred it. He took a scrap of cloth and dumped the mixture on it, and pulled out a blowtorch, lit it, and the cloth slightly charred a bit. It didn't light on fire either.

"Well, what does me being in this 'Project' entail?" I question. "I vill put you in a flame retardant suit and put a layer of cloth around you zhat has been soaked in the mixture, and ve vill see if it burns." "Hmm. So, what's your name?" He looks up and pushes his glasses up closer to his eyes. "You can call me ze Medic." He looks down again to measure the precise amount of mixture required to make the cloth relatively soaked.

"How exactly does this mixture-" "Vater and Carbonoleum." "Yeah, Carbonadium, well... How does it stop fire from starting?" He looks back up at me. "I don't know... It must be a marvel of science!" That's when a dove flew from a cage I hadn't noticed earlier, and crashed into a tarp I assumed was covering another work in progress exhibit, but it turned out to be a weird machine with several dials and a large nozzle on it. "ARCHIMEDES! NO!" The Medic yelled at the dove, causing me to flinch backwards, tripping and smashing my head into some rebar that was holding one of the walls up. My vision instantly went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! I will be publishing new chapters whenever I have the chance, and if I go offline for a while, I'm probably working on several chapters, or playing TF2**

 **Replies To Comments:**

 **ccclindemannccc: I will keep writing this story until the final encounter with a secret antagonist, then I'll write various adventures that this guy goes on.**

I woke up to a warm feeling wrapping itself around me, like a thick wooden blanket, except I wasn't itchy. "Ah! Gut, you are avake!" I heard the Medic say, like he was excited. "You are ze first tester of zhis experiment!"

"What did you do to me?" I mumble, still woozy. "And how long was I out for?" "You vere out for fünf minutes, mein Freund. You had a concussion." He looked at me when I noticed a blue-ish aura around me, and I felt completely fine, other than lightheadedness. "What time? I unfortunately don't speak any other languages."

"Uh, in your language, I zhink zhat it vas... Five minutes?"

"How was I out for only five minutes when I went unconscious due to a bash to the head?" I say, suspicious of what this man has done. "Vell, you vere a subject to my Quick-Fix Medigun." I raise my eyebrow at this remark. "A... Medigun? Like a gun that heals people?"

"Yes, a gun zhat heals people, and as you should have noticed, creates a pale blue beam. I also may have lied to you about the experiment, as I would have lit you on fire, while the beam vas trained on you, but you vould not have felt pain." He looks at me when I notice the dove, Archimedes, sitting on my chest, who then pecked at my nose. "Really, Archimedes, vhy do you insist on pecking at his nose?" He walked over and carefully picked Archimedes up off of my chest, and put him in the birdcage. "Vell, the experiment starts relatively soon, so ve must prepare. Do you still vant to help with ze experiment?"

"I might as well, seeming as I'm here." I got up and saw the machine behind me, but I could now see the wires and hydraulics inside of it because of the blue aura. "So this is the Quick-Fix. The reason you didn't take me to the hospital."

"Very true, mein Freund." He walked over to the table we had been working on, and pulled a curtain to cover the corner we had been working in. He then threw a set of clothes at me, ones that looked rather flammable. "Vould you mind putting zhese on? I need you to use them for the experiment." I went over to the bathroom, and put them on. "Do you vant to do a test run?"

"I don't see why not." He positioned me on a metal platform, and had me lift my arms up. He pulled out a blowtorch and lit the sleeve of my shirt. I panicked and tried to put the fire out, when an arm stopped me, and he turned on the Quick-Fix. Then a miracle happened, my shirt stopped burning, and it recreated itself. The red marks that had grown on my skin dissapeared. "Whoa. This is unbelievable."

After this, he stopped the machine, and grabbed a paper bag. He pulled the most perfect sandwich I had ever seen out of the bag, and threw me half of it. I took a bite of it, and it was amazingly delicious. When I swallowed the bite, the sandwich disappeared. "What kind of magic is this? A perfect sandwich that disappears right when you take a bite?"

"Vhy don't we wait about dreißig- err... Um... Zhat's it! Thirty seconds!" So we sat there for thirty seconds waiting for something to happen. When suddenly the sandwich, complete, appeared in my hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well look what we have here, THE FIRST VIOLENT CHAPTER! Maybe. Anyway, THIRD CHAPTAH! Yeah, I don't even know what will happen yet! Until I write it anyway. *balls up author's note, throws it in the trash, writes the exact same thing again and facepalms***

I just sat there staring at the sandwich, which should not be there. I get touched on the shoulder and almost jump out of my pants, fumbling to catch the sandwich. When the sandwich hit the floor, it landed perfectly, and it was on a plate.

"What kind of magic is this?" I stare at the plate, unsure if eating the sandwich was a good idea.

"It is only ze vay zhat my vorld vorks, and you vould not understand very gut." He shakes his head. "Vell, ze experiment starts in about uhh... Ten minutes!"

I look to the left, to see some people enter the room, looking at us and chatting. Minutes later, the room is filled with people talking with each other, waiting for the "Attraction" to start.

"Is it time mein freund, we start now." He walked onto the makeshift stage with the metal platform on it. "Velcome everyone! Today I bring you a marvel of today's science, The MEDIGUN!" I pulled on a rope to reveal the Quick-Fix, right on stage. I then walked onto the metal platform, right where it first started. "And zhis is my tester! I do not know his name, but ve vill experiment with him anyway!" This drew a few chuckles from the crowd. "Oh! Don't forget my little freund, Archimedes!" At that exact moment, Archimedes flew off of a support beam and landed on the Medic's shoulder, as if by command. Medic then went over to the table, and grabbed the blowtorch. "Ve vill begin ze attraction vith a little fire!" He then lit the sleeve if my shirt again, but this time I didn't flinch. I felt the fire burn my skin and make it sizzle, and heard the gasps of the crowd as the shirt burned away to reveal my burnt chest, the agony left my teeth clenched so hard my jaw became sore. Until the Quick-Fix was activated, then the pain, how do I explain the feeling? Like the pain melted away, turning into a soft warmth, like a warm summer day, or a hot fire on a cold night, it felt amazing. I saw someone in the crowd faint, and I heard one scream. I looked to my chest to see it shimmering, slowly healing itself. I was fascinated, so fascinated that I didn't notice Archimedes smack into one of the overhead wires, breaking it. One end smacked the Medic in the face, the other smashed into my back. This time I felt power... A surge of power... Wait, what about the Medic? I looked at him, and saw him collapse onto the ground.

"MEDIC!" I tried to get him to wake up, but no avail, so I dragged him in front of the Quick-Fix. I heard the screams of the crowd, but only as white noise, wait, a faint voice... Medic? Yes!

"Do not worry about me, but you must kill all those that you see that resemble me, RED, Freaks, all of them." Then he simply stopped breathing and vanished, and I swore I would hold to that vow, if I could. But what was a Freak?


	4. Chapter 4

**No author's note today. Oh wait... Also, I got Grammar today! Yeah!**

I looked into the crowd to see that most had left, except for one who was recording a video with his camera.

"You in the crowd with the camera! Stop recording NOW!" He flinched when he realized that I was yelling at him, and he meekly put the camera away. I looked at the Quick-Fix and wondered what to do with it, then I saw a note taped to the power switch on the Quick-Fix.

"There is a 'Do not Touch!' lever on the base of the nozzle, it is red, activate it and take the Quick-Fix with you. If you need to be healed quickly, activate the blue switch labeled 'Ubercharge' please protect this until I can contact you." I didn't know how he would contact me if he was dead, but I looked for the switch anyway. There was another note on the red switch.

"If I do not contact you for three weeks, destroy the machine and use the parts however you wish." I read the note as I flipped the switch, and the Quick-Fix turned into a solid 2x2-foot base, and was 4 feet tall, I tried to lift it, but to no avail, then I saw a giant hulk of a man walk up to me.

"You help doktor with experiment, da?" He looked down at me, and I almost got a nosebleed from looking up at him.

"You mean the Medic? I did help him if that's what you mean." There's the nosebleed... Oh wait, that's me sweating my face off.

"Da, is what Heavy means. He will help take leetle healing gun to person who help doktor's home." He then went over to the box, and promptly started carrying it under his arm. "Time to go!"

"Wait! We almost forgot his dove, Archimedes!" Archimedes then landed right on Heavy's head.

"Don't worry. Doktor's bird will follow me." He then walked right out the front door with the Quick-Fix under his arm. I followed him to the corner, where he stopped.

"Why are you stopped, Heavy?" I catch up to him, panting.

"Have you moved in past three years?" He looked down at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Nope. Can't afford to move due to my... Projects." I started to feel something bad in my stomach, like the 'Trust your gut!' thing. Except worse. "We need to go faster!" He looked at my face, and started to move faster. We reached my house in record time, to see nothing wrong. I unlocked the door and went in, and activated a switch on the wall, which opened a hole in the wall. "Put the Quick-Fix in there please."

"Da." He promptly dropped the Quick-Fix in the hole. "Is done."

"Thanks, Heavy." I waved as he walked away, but the feeling in my gut wasn't lessening at all. I then walked into the kitchen to see my wife eating a sandwich. "Hey, sweetheart."

"Hey. How was the exhibit?" She looked up at me, when someone knocked on the door. I answered the door to see my wife and Heavy. Wait a minute. My wife?

"There is Spy behind you." He then walks up to me, and punches my... Other? Wife in the face. She starts smoking, and suddenly turns into a man in a red pinstripe suit, with a balaclava, along with a bashed in face at the moment. "Hah! Is baby man!"

"Not quite Monsieur. I was only a distraction. Madic is almost done business downstairs." Oh no. He could find some very dangerous things down there. I pushed the Spy over and planted the heel of my shoe in his face, killing him instantly. I then ran over to the blast door I had covering the entrance to the basement, only to see it demolished. I ran down the stairs to see an almost exact replica of Medic pointing my project at me, a Music cannon.

"Heh, yes. I believe that the Spy upstairs told you who I am, so no need for introductions."


	5. Chapter 5

**You are all confused. I am not surprised. It will clean itself up in this chapter.**

"Why are you stealing my project?" I glare at him and he smiles.

"Why don't we have a little chat? Of course, you are not here voluntarily. So, I must subdue you." He aims the cannon at me, I flinch backwards trying to not get hit by the blast, but fail. I get stunned and can't move my limbs. "Well, to get things straight, I must say that the future isn't what it was several hours ago. If I wasn't here, the BLU Medic would have enlisted your help in defeating me for unknown reasons, and you would have prevailed. You do not know how humiliating that is in the FREAK world. So, to hold my dignity, I came here early to get rid of you, and your weaponry." He then walked up to me, and painfully shoved the satellite-like nozzle of the cannon into my chest, and fired the stun, stopping my heart. I quickly blacked out, but I stayed conscious long enough to hear my wife scream, and Heavy yell. Then everything went black.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed as my heart suddenly got shocked to a start, the gun fired again! It stopped. I then felt the searing pain of having something impaled in the chest. I then remembered the Quick-Fix sitting in the elevator in the wall. I carefully shuffled my way to the wall, then crawled to the gun... Blue switch to heal fast... Get the cannon out of my che- "AAAAARGH!" The gun fired while I was healing, no! I ripped the gun out of my chest, and cringed as the feeling of being stabbed was reversed, but I was healed.

"What do I do now? Madic got some sort of dignity boost, by what... Oh yeah! Stopping me from defeating him! Wait... My wife!" I charged upstairs to see a blood smear that continued under the door. I charged the door, and smashed it to splinters, to my surprise. I fell when I saw my wife nailed to the house. Dangling there, like a rag doll. Then the feelings... Rage, sadness. Insanity struck when I heard music from the neighbors house, I felt... Faster. Stronger... I then thought of something. I ran into the basement again and grabbed a dusty box from the corner. It was labeled; Dubstep. I grabbed a cassette player, and pulled out a song called Haunted. I played it and felt like I could smash something... I saw a piece of sheet metal on one of the tables. I grabbed it and surprised myself by bending it in half with ease. I then went to work, putting the cassette player in a backpack, and grabbing earbuds.

I ran out to the now dark street, and played a cassette called Forever. I felt... Fast. I ran down the street to find myself there almost instantly. I tried CSB-Theme, and spontaneously got the idea to do the Kameha thing. I did the action and suddenly a pulse of music left my hand and sent someone's garbage can flying into a parked car, the alarm went off so I ran away.

I ran for miles, covering so much ground with my speed, I almost ran right into a wooden building labeled; Reliable Excavation and Demolition. I looked into the window to see an empty room with beer bottles and cans of the name BONK scattered across the floor, I decided this was a good place as any to stay for the night.

 **Revised due to copywrite issues**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sixth chapter... This is a bigger story than I thought. It has 300 views at the moment I write this. Thanks if you are one of the contributors to that number!**

I hunted around the base for food and something to drink, and all I found to eat were a few sandwiches in the fridge and some cans of 'BONK! Atomic Punch' that seemed drinkable. I cracked open one of the cans to accidentally spill it on my backpack that I left on the table, and found that the music started playing faster, just barely noticeable. I then went to work in a room I found, a workshop pretty much, putting a 'BONK!' dispenser on the cassette player, because I thought; "Hey, if the music plays faster, wouldn't I run faster too? I then noticed a different brand of 'BONK!' cans sitting around, 'BONK! Crit-a-Cola' cans to be exact. I wondered what they did until I put one in the BONK! Booster as I call it, and the base of the music boosted like crazy, and I felt stronger. I decided to take a bandolier from a closet in a room and put some of the cans on it. I passed by a mirror in the room labeled 'Medic' and saw a scary development. I looked exactly like the Medic. What the hell happened during the electrocution? I punched the mirror in rage. I accidentally smashed a hole in the wall, and a shaft holding the roof up smashed my right arm.

"AAAAAAAGH!" I used my other working arm to push the wood off. My arm just didn't work now. Great. Wait... That machine sitting in the shower... I grabbed it and it was a perfect fitting hydraulic rig for my right arm! There was pecking at the window, and I saw Archimedes pecking at the window. Oh god! That is NOT Archimedes! It looked like Archimedes, but... A zombie bird? Anyway, it really likes to sit on my shoulder, so I might keep it. Now... I need something to make sure I don't look like the Medic... Ah! There's a mask that the plague doctors used to use, except... It says Byte'd Beak on the label. It'll do. I ruffled my hair and slapped a pair of goggles in front of the hair. Perfect! My current pair of clothes was trashed, and I couldn't find a washing machine for miles, so I had to settle for the RED Medic's battle clothes.

I was trying to find a utensil to cut a sandwich in half, until I smashed a single fist on the table and a bonesaw appeared in midair, cut the sandwich, and promptly disappeared. I tried some other things, such as a wooden cutout of a person, and I thought 'Cut the target to pieces.' Bonesaws appeared in midair and shot themselves right through the wood, and the remaining shards poofed into dust. I summoned a bonesaw into my hand, and smiled an evil smile.

 **If you couldn't tell, Sawbones has the Quadwrangler, the Byte'd Beak, Archimedes the Undying, and Das Maddendoktor.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for all the follows, everyone!**

I sat there, thinking to myself, what do I do about the Quick-Fix? I then remembered the wireless switch I had in my backpack. When I activated it, it would blow my basement to smithereens. My hand slowly descended towards the lever, and I flipped it. There, if all goes well, the Quick-Fix and my dangerous projects should be dust.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I was bored, I even started juggling bonesaws when one almost cut my face off, until I noticed the Television sitting in the corner. Damn... That thing looked 20 years old. I walked over to it, and turned it on, to see static. I slapped the side a few times, and it showed a spotty news show, with my pre-Medic face next to the reporter, who was standing in front of a smoking crater, with piles of debris all over the place. The object that caught my eye was the black body bag, sitting a few feet from the reporter. "It appears that Suzanne Smith was brutally stabbed, and then caught in the explosion that destroyed this house. The only person we can name to this murderous feat, is Harley Smith. His body was nowhere on the scene, so we can only assume that he is still in the district. That's all here in Teufort, back to you Samuel." My jaw dropped, I was now wanted in my home town...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I slept on the couch that night, to only wake up to the sound of a shotgun being cocked, and I then felt the barrel nudge my head.

"WHY ARE YOU ASLEEP, MAGGOT? YOU SHOULD BE IN YOUR HEALING ROOM FOR NURSES!"

I looked up to see a man in a red military uniform with a helmet covering his eyes. I jumped up and walked off to the Medibay, well, I assume he was talking about there, anyway. I took a detour to the room labeled MEDIC and picked up my things, and jumped out the window. A rocket flashed by my face, and I heard an angry voice behind me.

"THIS IS OUR TERRITORY, YOU MAGGOT SPY! IF YOU WANT TO BE HERE, PREPARE TO MEET MY ROCKETS!"

I had a flashback, of me grabbing a pair of steel reinforced boots, labeled 'Gunboats, built for Rocket-Jumping' that seemed good for dealing with explosions.

He shot another rocket at me, and I jumped just as the rocket landed near me, and I flew towards a wall covered with Builders League United signs, and SPLAT! I smacked into the wall, and hit the ground with a significant thud. He shot a rocket that was glowing red, and was moving a bit faster than usual. I decided not to jump on that one, as it looked suspicious. I ran to the side, and saw the rocket hit the wall. And it didn't do anything. Seriously? Is this wall made of some sort of invincible material? I kept running until I hit something invisible. Great, now invisible material. Wait, this one isn't invincible though, so I shoved it hard to hear a startled yelp. I saw some smoke, and, wait... I recognize this guy, I planted my boot in his face earlier yesterday.

"What business did you have at my house last night?" I planted my boot on his chest firmly. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and shook his head. "That is an interesting question Monsieur, as I was at home last night."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT SPY!" Neither of us knew who he was talking to, until I saw another red-glowing rocket flying at us. In a last ditch attempt to stop the rocket, I roundhouse-kicked the rocket out of the sky.

"Soldier, you IMBECILE! You almost killed me with your stupidity!" The man glares at 'Soldier.'

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE ARE SCARED OF ROCKETS, MAG-" The rocket had landed next to him, and it was still live. And it had hit a solid surface. BLAM! I flinched back when I saw Soldier's guts smack into the wall next to me. And then tripped when I realized that the other man wasn't on the ground. Didn't Heavy call him Spy? I'll call him that. But where is he?

"AAGGHH!" My vision went dark as a knife entered my back.


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter is ridiculously long, and I was wondering if anyone actually wanted me to try and have Sawbones put on the Freak Fortress Wiki, by Kugawattan. If you do, say so in the comments please. There might be hints at what happens later in the story if I do! You might want to read Lost if you haven't already…**

I suddenly woke up. But I saw a floating version of myself, and it had a stab wound right at the base of the neck, on the spine. It zoomed in on my back, and I saw the cracks in my spine seal up, and the flesh healed itself, like the Medigun would do. The hole in my clothes then sewed itself up. What if you got blown to pieces? Would it slowly put your limbs back on? Ugh. Then my sight went black.

And I was unceremoniously dumped on a clean floor, with a big blast door in front of me.

"What is goi- AAACK!" A hose with a lever on it landed on my lap, and it was connected to my backpa... Where's my backpack? And what is up with that oozing green liquid? There's a label… Emerald Jarate? Weird…

"Who zhe hell just respawned? Nobody died." I heard a voice, although slightly muffled by the blast door. Then the loud clank of a heavy switch being activated. The person leaned on the door, and it slowly swiveled into the room. "GUYS! ZHERE IS A RED MEDIC IN ZHIS ROOM, I REPEAT, ZHERE IS A RED MEDIC IN ZHE RESPAWN ROOM! HE HAS ZHE BYTE'D BEAK, ZE GOGGLES, AND THE… Wait a minute… Who are you?"

"Should I trust you?" He rubs the back of his head, as if nervous, then nods, slowly. "Well, I don't trust you, but I'll tell you anyway. Harley Smith."

"Uh, do you have a nickname for yourself?" He continues to rub the back of his head. "Like, Sawbones, or something?"

Something clicked in my head, that nickname sounded perfect, so I decided to roll with it. "Yes, my nickname is Sawbones, but who are you?"

"WHAT MAGGOT THINKS THEY CAN JUST STROLL RIGHT INTO OUR TRANSPORT TRAIN?!" I then realized that the guy standing in front of me, was wearing green, and he was a Medic. The yelling guy was also wearing green.

"Shadow Bomb, zhis might be something zhat completely revises what we imagined, you know zhat story I wrote?"

"YEAH, THAT ONE CHAPTER PIECE OF GARBAGE THAT NOBODY WANTED TO READ."

"No, zhe work in progress vone."

"YOU WROTE A NEW STORY?" The Medic face-palmed.

"Yes, vhere zhe main character gains powers greater zhan zhat of many freaks."

"WHAT KIND OF MAGICAL POWERS?" I was getting annoyed, so I decided that this Shadow Bomb character needed to shut his idiotic mouth.

"These ones." I summoned a bonesaw that flew at him, and stopped right at his nose. He then ran out of the room, screaming;

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC!"

The green Medic laughed so hard he started coughing, like, extreme coughing, he was bent double and blood was dripping out of his mouth. He then fell, and slowly faded. I heard a thud behind me, as respawn plopped him on the ground.

"Zhis is unbelievable! I never vould have imagined zhat someone could laugh so hard zhat zhey die!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Meanwhile on the RED and BLU trains…

"Alert. The GRN team is being disposed of. You will be returned to Teufort 76.

A loud cheering could be heard for miles from the two trains.

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Back on the GRN train…

"I wonder if your story will show up on Fan Fiction!" The green Medic, called Doctah Kreep, pulled a weird rectangular object out of his pocket. He called it an "IPhone." "What the hell… It says here that you met up with a Medic and Soldier in green… Wait… 'The GRN team is being disposed of'… What is Teufort 76?

"Wait, stop for a minute. The 'Teufort' I went to had a sign on one of the walls, labeled 'Teufort 37.' Does this mean there are multiple of the same map?" I scratched the top of my maskless head. "That might explain how that RED Spy didn't recognize me."

"Hey, uh, did'ja know zhat you can summon bonesaws made of anyzhing? You could summon a bonesaw made of dark matter for all logic cares. Anyzhing you summon has no physics attached to it, so you could summon a bonesaw made of oxygen, and it vould act solid, vhile still a gas. You also have bones of Carbonadium."

"What the hell is Carbonadium? Is it compatible with my system?" I shudder at the thought of my bones being… Not bones.

"Yeah, well… Carbonadium for some reason likes to melt natural matter, such as blood cells and skin-"

"WHY AM I MADE OF SOMETHING THAT SHOULD CAUSE ME TO MELT?!"

"You von't melt, dummkopf. A layer of graphene, or particle zhin sheets of solid carbon, protects your body from zhe effects of zhe Carbonadium. Alzhough, if someone gets you vith something sharp enough, you vill probably implode into a pile of teal coloured bones."

"Hey uh, Doctah? We're heading right for a cliff."

"DAMMIT MAC, WHAT THE HELL CAUSED THIS?"


	9. Chapter 9

**The amount of views this gets is climbing steadily. We have reached over 1000 of them at this point!**

"I don't know how we're going to get ourselves out of this one, Gentlemen."

"Well, there is a half of a bridge, if that helps."

This was bad. There's a half a bridge, and nothing we can do.

"And we have about thirty seconds to do something. WHAT?! It says that respawn has been disabled! Those sneaky bastards!" He smashed his hand on the control board, with a large amount of excessive force, which left a huge dent in the steel.

"Sawbones! You just create several bonesaws to stop us, Dummkopf!" Doctah smashed into the room, after which I facepalmed. I raised my hand.

"Stop the train! GO NOW!" Bonesaws flew from everywhere, pushing into the steel at the back of the control room, which slowed the train, but we were still barreling towards the cliff at an alarming speed. "Dammit Mac, can you not SLOW THIS THING DOWN?!"

"Nope, the control panel is completely locked."

"Physics be damned! Plasma bonesaw! Stop the engine!" A purple glowing bonesaw faded into existence, only to dart right into the control panel. The train shook like nothing you've ever felt before.

One would marvel at the sight of a train slowly moving towards a cliff, with several saws sticking out of the walls, and a smoking engine. But not at the sight of several men clambering their way onto the rough plain.

One with light brown hair and eyebrows, and strikingly sea-blue eyes, with a look of determination.

One with a round helmet, green-grey eyes barely hidden by it, mouth curved downwards, almost a sneer.

Two with dark goggles, and yellow hard hats resting on their heads, one rubber glove, one metal. Light frowns etched on their faces.

One with a black balaclava and dark suit, with a passive look on their face.

One with a bald head, and a stern glare.

One with a akubra, and a pair of aviators covering his dark brown eyes.

One with strikingly emerald-green eyes, with a shining arm, and a deep frown.

One with a shining black beak, a gleaming blue-green bonesaw in one hand, who is wondering what the hell the rest of the group is doing.

"Guys? You there?"

"Shh! Zhis is a great moment!"

"Really? There is literally no point to-"

"Incoming helicopter! With guns…" Mac pointed to an approaching helicopter with his metal hand. "I think that you can handle this, Sawbones."

"What about we give this helicopter a little joyride? Doctah, do you have any music on that device of yours?"

"I know just what will work." He pulled out the 'iPhone' and tapped the screen a few times. Then music literally blared out of it, a small shockwave could be seen, flying away from us.

"Will do!" I held my hand up, and energy lanced out of my hand, like rope, and wrapped itself around the helicopter. I whipped my hand upwards and to the side, and the helicopter flew into the sunrise.

"Now zhat zhat's over vith, Mac, vhen did you get here?" Everyone stopped to look at him.

"Well, I kinda been stuck here for a while now, that's why I haven't been answering your calls." He took off his hard hat. "A lot of things have happened here recently, such as Doppleganger's attack on the original RED team."

"Wait, guys, I don't think I understand what's happening here. Would someone mind explaining?" All looks changed from Mac to Doctah, and the sheen on his forehead announced his nervousness.

"Vell, um, yeah… Okay, zhis land is a home to many Freaks, a Freak being one of nine mercenaries vith abilities beyond zhat of a normal human." He paused, swallowed, and ran his hand across his forehead. "Vhich, by all means, states zhat you are a Freak."

"Well, why don't we give the Administrator the what-for?" I skipped the Freak thing due to the awkward feeling that entered my stomach, automatically opting for the next thing. "And while we're at it, let's go find a certain Madic."

"How do you suppose we're going to make it across the bridge?" This was unusual, as he hadn't spoken at all, yet. His name is King Dwarf. "I don't think that the train's going to fly across an empty gap."

"I don't think that train's going anywhere, with a fried engine like that." Shadow stiffly marched over to where King Dwarf and Mac were standing.

"WHAT MAGGOT TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAVE OPINIONS?" Then an argument started between them. Doctah walked up to them, and freaked out.

"I have had ENOUGH of your un-vitting NONSENSE! Ve don't have respawn at zhe moment! If vone of you dies, you von't come back!"

All noise died down, as a loud cracking sound split through the air. The bridge suddenly repaired itself.

"I suppose this will get us across the bridge."

"NOBODY CARES, MAC!?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes: Hope you didn't get too attached to the green team, because something's gonna happen to them.**

 **Of the unknown powers he had, he could create portals to other alternate universes.**

We were walking back to the severely damaged train, when Doctah stopped, patted his pockets, and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" He flinched when the obnoxious sound flew out of the phone. "Hah! Gotcha again! Okay, okay, but seriously, dude, your mother is freaking out right now! She came over to my house to see if you were here, and when we told her you weren't, she flat out started to cry."

"Crap! I completely forgot about my mozer!"

"When did you get a German accent?"

"Not important right now, Cdub! I need to call you back later!" He tapped the screen on his phone, and put it back in his pocket. "We need to get back home."

"How do you expect to get us home now?"

"Well, Mac, I don't know at this point. How the hell are we supposed to get home?"

"Wait, I kinda remember something… What was it?"

"Wait, my German accent is going away!"

"That's it! This isn't actually IDA Official's Alternate Universe! This is yours! With the story, you could change it to however you want!"

"How in all hell, did Sawbones end up here then? Respawn tracks D.N.A, doesn't it?"

That's the thing, he is you. He is what you want to be, anyway. So he shares similar genetics in this Universe. When we got transported here, instead of us getting transported into Team Fortress 2, or IDA's Fanfiction, we ended up in yours."

"So, I could just y'know, create a portal?" He pulled out his phone, and Sawbones started to speak up.

"Hey, uh… Would it be possible for me to make portals, myself?"

"If Doctah wants to do so, he can make you whoever you wish. Do you want to do the honours, Doctah?"

"Why the hell not! Let me see… Wait… That's a lot of chapters… There's a good place… Of… The… Unknown… Powers… He… Had… Whoops, spelling mistake, I meant had, not gad… He… Could… Create… Portals… To… Other… Alternate… Universes. There! Wait, why do you need to create portals?"

"I need to help the team in IDA's alternate univ- you know what? Let's just settle with AU, ok? It's easier to say! But first, I need to get you guys home! Oh SHIT! ROBOTS!" Indeed, there was a giant horde of Human-like robots, marching right towards them.

"Dude, seriously. Let me see…" He had pulled out his phone."'Indeed, there was a giant horde of Human-like robots… I don't like human-like machinery coming towards us, how abou-"

BANG!

"SONOVAMOTHERFU-" Doctah had gotten shot right in the arm. His non-mechanical one.

His tirade of swears stopped when his arm went limp. "NO! WE NEED MY LIVING HAND'S FINGERPRINT TO OPEN MY PHONE AGAIN!"

"Then all we can do now is fight!" Shmalien joined the conversation, then promptly dissapeared.

"Hey, Sawbones?"

"Yeah, Mac?" All I did at the time was watch the chaos of nine people destroying hundreds of robots.

"Have you ever tried creating something other than a normal bonesaw? Like an Übersaw?"

"I haven't at all, actually. I might as well try. Übersaw, Destroy… 400 robots." A different looking saw, with a needle in it, shot out, and pierced 400 robots, zigzagging it's way through a large group of them.

"Sawbones! Your Medigun is charged!" I noticed myself sparking, and I lifted my Medigun up, to see the Über meter.

"HOLY DAMN!"

"What is it, Sawbones?"

"Nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine percent charge!" Just then, the machinery on my back started to shake uncontrollably, and started smoking, so I flipped the switch. Eleven beams of a lime-green color flowed out of the nozzle, and the Medigun itself started to glow a golden color.

9999%

The first beam hit Mac, and his metal arm fell off, and a normal hand grew back on what was once a stump.

9998%

The second beam hit Doctah, and his metal arm shimmered, and skin started to grow around it, while his other arm expelled the bullet, and regained function.

9997%

The third beam hit Recon, and transferred the energy to his machines, and his sentry started firing faster.

9995%

The fourth beam hit King Dworf, and his aim became more precise.

9992%

The fifth beam hit Wolf Star, and his grenades started to hit more lethal locations, doing more damage.

9987%

The sixth beam hit Oakly, and he started running faster, and he was dodging better than ever.

9969%

The seventh beam hit Rex, and his Übercharge started charging at insane speeds.

9956%

The eighth beam hit Catbread, and he Übercharged, and his minigun started to spin faster and faster, until it started shooting a solid beam of lead.

9935%

The ninth beam hit Shadow, and he Übercharged, and his rockets started doing more damage, and travelled faster.

9901%

The tenth beam hit Shmalien, and his knife started to hit important wires more often than not.

9846%

The eleventh beam hit me. But it didn't augment any of my abilities. I turned into a **MONSTER**.

9757%

With nowhere for the extra power to go, I gained all the energy, and with that energy, the powers of a **GOD**.

 **"UBERSAW! CHASE DOWN AS MANY ROBOTS AS YOU CAN HIT!"**

Then, everybody ubercharged at once, and the robots started getting melted into slag by the sheer amount of energy flying through the air. Not only that, everyone's Übercharge flashed in rainbow colors dazzling to the eye, everyone, except that of Sawbones, who flashed a deep forest green, with fractures of emerald green running across his entire body.

In another place, another Universe, the Crimson Demon is born. Alongside the birth of the Emerald Demon, in a different place, a different Universe.

A man in red who lost all he loved, turned to rusty iron, reforged himself in a fiery forge, reforged into solid steel.

A man in green who lost all he loved, turned to fractured glass, strengthened himself with the help of a team of ten, who brought him back from death, in another universe, into solid emerald, like diamond. Unbreakable.

9000%

Robots started using crazy tactics, sending kamikaze robots to try and stop us. But an Übercharge is like diamond. Unbreakable. All it did was destroy the sentries Mac and Recon had built. A robot different from the rest, obvious due to the giant size it possessed, started it's long walk towards the train. It was met by me, and the fight was interesting.

It tried to shoot it's massive minigun at me, but couldn't really do much, because of the Übercharge.

So it tried to step on me. It's foot descended towards me, and I put my hands up to keep it unbalanced. It's foot hit my hands, and stopped. It couldn't lower it's foot anymore. Unbreakable. All it took was a push, and the giant's leg got shoved directly through it's face.

 **"HOW'S THAT FOR STRENGTH?"**

8000%

The ground started trembling, and a massive robot, taller than most of the buildings seen in New York, rose from the ground. The rest of my team told me it was Goliatron. The massive prototype robot with a shit-ton of weaponry.

It walked towards us, slowly.

7000%

There isn't a shortage of ways to defeat normal robots, but this isn't a normal robot.

 **"Doctah, could you get rid of that with your phone?"**

"Oh damnit… I think my phone got crushed by a robot of some sort. Unless anyone else has a phone, I don't think we can even get back."

 **"Well then, I guess that I have to destroy it myself?"**

"Knock yourself out. Can you get everyone else back here?"

 **"EVERYONE GET BACK HERE, NOW!"**

"That works"

I then ran all the way over to Goliatron, when the missile array on his hand shot rockets behind me, and they tracked me. The problem there? The machinery on my back is not protected at all.

BOOM!

FWOOSH!

The following burst of energy caused me so much pain… But Goliatron got utterly destroyed. All the energy had to go somewhere, and lots of it went into the train, and it's engine started again, along with Respawn.

"Guys! I got my phone! OH GOD! WE NEED REX OVER HERE AS WELL! SAWBONES IS KINDA… INJURED!"

"I will be fine, Respawn is running again…

Everything then went black.


	11. Epilogue

**I am extremely sorry, I got the message from IDA you all probably saw. Mask is right, nothing makes nickels. (Get it? I'm sorry) I hope this helps.**

"So that's how all this happened… You started in IDA's AU, and got turned into… You by the BLU Medic. Some random crap happened at their Teufort, you died, and respawned with us. Huh."

"Yup, then we stopped a train, threw a helicopter into space, broke reality, fought robots, and I destroyed everything with overcharging my Medigun to over nine thousand."

"I also have to apologize for something… I never introduced you to anyone…"

"It's fine, I didn't expect you to ever introduce me to them at all. I just dropped right in, y'know, through a universe just to get here."

"Okay! Jeez man, it isn't that bad, come on! Anyway, these guys are my friends, and not all of them get along, as you noticed, presumably."

"That's an understatement if I ever heard one!"

"Yeah… Anyway, I'll go in the order I met them… So, King Dworf, the Sniper, he's rather reserved, as you know, next up, is Shadow Bomb, the Soldier. He has a decent temper, until something scares him. Oakly is the scout, and he's calm, but he's extremely open."

"Yeah, Shadow is rather… Hostile. I haven't talked with Oakly yet, and I might not get the chance either, with you guys having to go home."

"Whatever, I control this place, what says I can't contact you again?"

"Logic."

"Hah! Good one! If I run this place, logic will never have a home here! Anyway, Wolf Star, the Demoman, he makes jokes, he's quite friendly to everyone. Shmalien, the Spy, he's calm, usually. Next up is RexDoesStuff, the other Medic. He's a good person to go to, if you have something to complain about!"

"I'd probably talk his ear off then."

"It can't be that bad!" He pulls off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt.

"It might be."

"Agh, seriously, I know most of your problems. Macspengo, the taller Engineer, is definitely outgoing, with his usual demeanor of 'let's see if this works!' Catbread the Heavy, well… He doesn't talk much. Spartan Recon, the other Engineer, well, I haven't talked to him for a long time."

"You're missing one person here."

"Me? Well, glean what you can, as I'm the one who made this place."

"So, you're violent, creative, outgoing-"

"Please stop."

"Just complimenting you, man!"

"Thanks… Well, I guess our time together is running out…" He grabs his phone, and starts typing. "You now have a way to contact me. Use Skype if you have to."

"Ok. Bonesaws! Create a portal to the real world!" Several bonesaws flew out from behind the chair I'm sitting on, and created a circle, and spun. In the middle was a swirly green vortex.

"HEY GUYS! WE CAN GO HOME NOW!"

They all came running to the cab of the engine, and they all dived through the swirly green depths, except one. Mac.

"Why aren't you going through the portal?" He took his hard hat off, and dropped it to the floor.

"I don't live in their universe, I live in mine. If you could please?"

"Okay… Bonesaws, create a portal to Macspengo's AU!" The bonesaws didn't stop spinning, the portal just turned purple. "Best of luck."

"I doubt I need it."

"Why?"

"I own the place! Who needs physics, or luck, when you control everything!"

"Yeah… Get going! I have somewhere to be as well!" He dived in, and the portal broke, the vortex disappearing, the bonesaws fading away.

"My turn. Create a portal to **_PROJECT FREAK!_** " This portal was made of Übersaws, and flashed orange. "Here goes nothing!"

Ever know what it's like to be sucked through a straw? Yeah… AU travel is interesting.

"Oh my god…" I was looking right at the ruins of the RED base.


End file.
